Guess

what people .tomorrow i'll be travelling to aussy ,departing around 9-10 .
Not sure .
We'll be leaving the house at 7 or less so that means get up at 6 or EARLIER
knowing mommy .Won't be here till next next week ,tuesday .
Mmm thousand words to be written ,i just can't think at the moment .

Thousand car's sped off ,how much did you caught hold off?

Exactly ,something like that.Similar.

Mmm ,didn't even get to see baby .
Haih or is inkkie ,i'm not quite sure anymore .


The present i made :|
Mmm,wanna seee inside inside ?
Couldn't see you before i left soo..
I guess after aussy or something .


I gotta go baby .
Mmmm take care of yourself okayys .
Like the Lee Inkkie i brought up .
Thats Inkkie .


aAyli ♥ Tatas take care's ,have fun .
What's left in me.

Loving a ghost etc.

Loving someone ;who changed ,treats you
differently ,don't text message you like
she used to ,is not thankful that she has
you .
and more . You get ma point.


It's like loving a ghost .Loving that person .Whom now you miss so much.
That person changed .I'm not sure whats the problem .
Is just so much different now ,i can barely take.
She treats me differently .
Her friends obviously gets the real her .
So fuckingmother unfair .As always.
They get the smiles when they fucking do nothing.
I have to work for em ,okays ?
Tell me how fair it is la ,now i'm done for.
I'm fed up .I'm ready to move on .

I give up .
You bring the faith in me .
I'm done .


She said
''I don't wanna friggin talk to you''
So i'm done talking to you .
Done bothering .
Done caring .

2 More days to Aussy and when
i had the time to see you .
You rejected .Not suprise laa .
Screw it .
I'm fed up.
Told me she was busy ,couldn't
stay back for me & and had ''bk''
which she didn't go .Excuses .


I think we're nearly done ; There ,you have your damn freedom.
Because i've tried and i don't see u satisfied nor smiling at it.
I give up.

Let me just say

Yesh happy birthday UNCLE junior.
This UNCLE right here is ma dad's brother.
The eldest son .












Yesh indeed .
Groovy 50 it is austin .
He just turn 50 and so far fortunately still healthy
Has 4 children .

ONE OF EM
is still young and in SCHOOL AHHA .
His marc .









Pilot he is .
Don't you wonder how it feels to fly a plane ?
How much pressure you'll have and all. KNOWING, you have
alot alot of life's on the line .Haha .
His eldest son matthew wants to be just like him ,if i've not mistaken.





Thats his wife !
Whose also my godmother ..
Don't ask me how old is she !No idea ..

My grandmother's sister's daughter .
Sooo ,she's cousins with ma mommy.

Oh, his singing .The place was
in Seremban .

Then the cake .





HAHA ?! hee :D?Why cannot. I asked baby permission:D






Tony and her friend ?ahah. My damn chun shot .




That's albert !Boyfriend to Joanne .
Junior's daughter ,my cousin.

Help for fuck sakes

WOI SOMEONE HELP ME with ma fucking fonts . Getting outta hand .
Everytime i post something the font suddenly goes all small .
TOOT !MOTHERFUCKER.MOTHERFUCKA.

bullshit !@#$^#^@&*&^#

Guess what :D
HAHA.
Today we had our math test !
HAHA i was pretty relax about it x;

Okayys.
the day started off like this ..
Early morning where red eyes are often seen ,i was awake !
Later than the usual since ma brother and sister didn't go school SOO !

i got like a lil more sleep .

barely a difference !

Soo yeah mommy took me .
As usual her her kan chiong -ness ! Always asking to hurry hurry up .
I cannot stand. Nigga!
Left at 7

Reached, like almost 7.30 menz .The jam oh jam .
Crazy stuff -


Today we had
Test ,test and TEST !
Science ,english and MATHS !


Science was okay considering this year ; My science is shitty plus i didin't revise due to myself
haha,i actually worried a lil more over science and english !
English i was afraid of the novel parts .Where ma teacher is seriously fucking useless.
She's WEIRD ,i find her.Really really weird .AND USELESS !#%!&@#$!*
The WORST teacher u can ever have for english .
She seems like the typical good english teacher BUT SHE SUCKS .

God have mercy on her soul AND OUR EARS .


So yeah u get ma point .Science the teacher is okay BUT . Good but easily stepped on .
means no control -

of the class ZZ .

So yeah ,maths teacher was ALSO useless .And yesh USELESS.
Nigga my teachers suck .LOL

I didn't worry about maths ..Quite excited actually.
Since it was only the first 3 chapters .
I didn't worry .

THEN
deng deng DENGGGGGGGGG.
OH YESH ;maths i took the paper and I DIED !





Fuckingmother hard .I've never seen the questions this year .
Never done em .and so YEAH
unless it was last years teaching THAT I'M SURE i forgot .HAHA .
So YEAH .
fuckedddd .
At least half the paper AND MORE .
was GAY-ed up .
And so YEAH for saying i won't fail EVERR again !
I LIED !
bullshit .



SO YESH ;I'm failing that !MOTHERFUCKER of all papers.

Soo as school ended , I wasn't happy .
Got la stuff -
Just don't wana state it out .


I'll keep it in .



Wanted to play basketball but it had to rain.
I'm still the same ,had to be last night.

A not so awesome day.

Because today had EXAMS ;today was a retarded max day .
Wait i meant TEST ! HAHA opps.
Hahaa the test i didn't wana do on the friggin first day was bm ..
WHICH WAS TODAY MOTHER &#!$^&#@!
Tell me it was awesome !Ass.

I didn't study for rumusan so therefore i wasn't assure of ma rumusan part .Lucky enough to prolly
get 18 and above?HAHA LMAO.I'm still wishing .
HAHA .Well ,test are until wednesday .Short isn't it ?Cramp every damn test like shit .
Well i don't mind ,i prefere doing test then teaching blaberring x; WHICH i do pay attention :D
Weirdly x;

Tomorrow there's test test test .
Accounts , history & perdagagan .

Well i'm so not ready for accounts.Cause cleary teacher talks to soft!ARGHH.
But i'm interested in learning (:
Does that count ?!






Cause this is never happening ever (:

1 Year <3

OH yesh (:
1Year it was with ma perfecto ; Lee inkkie ♥ Also ma brother's birthday.oppss.lol
And yesh it feels like forever but whose to blame .



I'm not done with you.



Obviously we went out .Hit the movies,walked till she drops .Wait not drop.COMPLAIN!HAHA
We went off to cineleisure .I kinda like it there because the fact it has friggin 3-5 malls joined or at
least walking distance.Instead of staying in one blady boring mall .YEAH u feel me .I love walking.
Well, now u know .


We decided cineleisure because they had like that ,cheering thing .Competition. And brenda was
performing .THAT was the reason .Ended up we didn't even get to see .Friggin crowded!
Couldn't get a place to stop and stare .
So then we decided to book a moviee .Erm what was it called.
What mountain .
The race to witch mountain ?The title was ,well for me was kinda sesat .The show was an average
entertaining show .I hate heading to the movies if it doesn't pass ma standard average entertaining show. Serious pissingg off .Oh ,we picked that movie because marley & me was at like 6.30 ?
Wasn't staying till that latee .Sadly had school the next day .Real unfortunate.

After the movie ..
The two was silently walking .
Because of that something .
Which you won't know .
Yeah ,till the time came .Ma baby started talking .Seriously if she doesn't talk and silent herself. I can't get things moving :\ sadly.When she's sad its real hard for me to motivate her and all .


Most times i fail .




I saw kamal .Ma old school mate.
But didn't shit recognize him .LOL .His hair was unsually long instead of the skin head .
And he grew !HAHA

After then things started moving .A big relief in ma heart .Damn satisfying .
And yesh at then ,words just couldn't stop blabbering out .
Haha i love (:

Then i took ma baby for dinner .
Or was it dinner ?!LMAO .
I'm not sure what to count it as .HAHA .Oh wells .
Finally let ma baby try that cake i wanted her to :\ not sure if she remembered .
Daim cake.

Headed on home with smiles .
And thankfully safe.

Thank you lord .
Bless.

Left a post out .Actually many of em .
-Uncles birthday .I'll post tomorrow .It happened yesterday.

Let your desire be fulfill .

Your FREEEDOM you wanted .
All you ever wanted.

Because

Haven't posted after a reallly long period of time !
Everything was just sooo happyFYING !
so so
i coulnd't think straight x; L M A O

As dayss are passing ,the trip to aussy is rather near ! 1week from now.


WOO ,can't wait .Though i won't be able to speak to ma baby like the usual, after
school texting .Or the phone calls which at the end of the month i get screwing for.
I try to at least visit her once a week and sooner or later get lectured for.
The once in that week will normally be on fridayss.Other days would be rather time
cramp .And i try em on sundays after church .Thats LIKE really really short time spending .Arghh it be like an hour or 2 if i'm lucky but i don't really mind .


So So tomorrow's our 1 year anniversary ! nothing big i would say ,1YEAR ONLY MAR !Not two also (:
now mood's fucked.
End of story

D:

HAHA !hellooo !:D
ohhh i'm so motherfucking happy :D

haha so :DTomorrow i shall post up !
I'M HAPPY MAIN POINT ;D

Wait waittt ,updates shall be posted soon .

So yesterday .

SO yesterdayyy, wasss annn awesomee day :D.


Got to see her after quite a long run .
So satisfaction wass quite high ,just through the end it fell.

The day started when i was awaken from my awesome SLEEP.
Left with mommy to pj ,ma home :D?
HAHA ,went to aunty's to settle till around 10.30 where i took off to szen's.
Baby asked if i could sleep when i reached BUT i get insomnia one day before
i see ma baby x;
Thank god only one day before ,i don't mind much.
I've been having this ever since we got close.

Getting up ,couples of hours earlier and staying up .
Trying to keep ma cool x;
Joking, i don't get nervous or anything .I'm fine.


At the end after hours or minutes lying down on the couch ,''TRYING TO SLEEP''
she texted :D
and asked a silly question !Whether i was sleeping.haha.I laughed.

After hours of texting ,i was about to leave the house .
HHAA AND GUESS WHAT.

We left ,with a slight differences in time.
and REACHED pratically friggin same !LOL
We almost clashed.
Thankfully i asked ma godfather to drop me off at some lorong,which later on
worried him and his wife .HAHA.Then walked on to szen's.
Reached (:

and then WAIT i was the last to reach THEN.
Baby greeted me and littlest.

Then aunty sent us off to 1u .
Haha aunty's nice.She drops us like everytime there's an outing.
THOUGH I THINK i forgot to say thank you after she dropped us.
I FEEL damn bad.lmao.
To 1U!
jalan-jalan till everyone arrived.Then we gathered up at toys R us.
Then offed to Shogun.
OR WAS IT SOGUN LOL. I'll go with Shogun .
It was like jap buffet .I don't really eat jap , DON'T LAUGH.
First time eating jap buffet. The only jap food i ever ate was.
Teriyaki in erm .Subway.lol.

Baby paid for me :D
Eat eat eat .As usual, they commented on other peoples dressing.
I MEAN THE GIRLS.
HAHA.

After eating japanese with a not so japanese face ,not so japanese dressing.
Most importantly; with a not so japanese slang/tongue.

After that we were off to the theaters.
To book tickets.

Marley & me it was .
Emotional show it seems !
haha i wouldn't know !YOU'LL KNOW LATER :D

HAHA fucking.
WAIT,i mean later.

Okay after that.We took off .
to I FORGOT.I have amnesia now .
HAA ithink.lmao.
Now this is a normal thing.Unlike the insomnia .

All i know is !this.
Screen would be only rolling at 4.30 .
So before that not long before 4.30.
Took off to the arcades .Where i saw gays HAHA .
Funny people.
Well not so .

HAHA ,well entrance to out theater were open so headed on there .
HAHA NOW
screen starting rolling and then .
Well i'm LAZY :D
If u weren't there it shall be a mistery :DHAHA.


LAZY WRITE LA !
I was used to being so fucking deep writting this blog.
NOW ITS HAPPY -FILLED.
haha .
gimme time :D

..

It's all gona be drafted from now on .
sooner or later the post shall be publish .
depends .
-contemplating

I feel dead .
For now goodbye.

I'm done

Paroxysm .

Now playing:
Rascal Flatts - He aint the leaving kind

Stop rafael .
stop .
Keep it in ,whatever it is .
For the time being at least.


Paranoid is what i am ,of course only with her .
The rest ,i wouldn't give shits .If i did , just your luck .

I tend to get paranoid ,over pratically everything that she does .
I mean wtfack is wrong with me ?
Don't you think its assholic of me ?

I am a lil of ma mommyy ,well frankly
SHE'S WORSE.
anyways.

Everything that she does ,you can count on me to get worrying.
I mean the fack wei ?
Even seriously.I can't tahan myself .
i'm losing it MENZ.

I'm paranoidly in love ,what should i do ?
Take a chill pill?
like em cigarettes?
alcohol ?
your drugs ?
I'm just playing with you asshole!

Currently ,trying .
My best




`Jealousy fucks with the mind and its let out by your self actions.

What if .

Never wanted something more that that.
Never knew i could put that amount of effort in. Never knew ,trying ,giving the best outta me didn't
work .Tell me i won't reach disappointment.
Guess i'm just so damn worthless .
i give up.

on myself.
on life.
on love.


Never wanted to let anyone in , trusting u ;giving my worthless heart .
And now.
Just another picture in your gallery .

Worthless memory.

More to express,just so damn dead right now.
I'll just keep it in .

I'll write when i feel like it .


I've never wanted anything that much and actually bothered to work for it.
You can't solo a relationship ;in reality it doesn't work that way.

`You can't find the perfect lover ,but create the perfect love .

for now ,i need the lords strength.
to at least motivate me from giving up


Wanting to be the guy of your dreams ; just didn't reach him .
I swear ,i saw marriage .

bye.


And to whoever views this blog ,write somethin in the cbox.
don't view and run.
If your a random i won't care ,just do it .

_|_

u know what?fuck this relationship .
i've tried more than any mother fucker would have.
putten more effort than ur ass would ?
so fuck this bye .
leave for god sake.
before i kill myself.

Stubbornly perfecting what cannot be perfected.

Ever tried perfecting something that doesn't even come up close to ?
Yet it tends to only bring disappointment.



Giving every bit you've got in you then once you've reach it .You get that feeling..
thinking you've done enough .
Then i realize ,the day hasn't even ended .
What normally is brought to the table at the end of the day is disappointment .

u know what screwed today fuck .
i don't feel like blogging fuck today bye.

My world that never seems to end (:(:

What happens if the bible was wrong?
After it stated the date of when the world ends?

How would you feel over god ?
a liar ?
Jesus was all a myth?

That we were believing in nothing?

I think most us ,down to earth .
After preparing for many years for death; or some, trying every single thing thats hip because knowing they're never ever gona be able to step foot on earth again. Not wanting to be a NERD? on earth ,who never tried that something. Wanting ; to be that bad boy ,who they never once reached that standard. Wanting ; to be in that ''cool'' gang or at least close .
Would have been ?
Furious ?
Full of hatred?
Frustrated ?

Those we're the things they did ;KNOWING they would regret .
KNOWING they couldn't face the consequences.
After knowing life didn't end at that point .
They would have most probaby be ashamed and then..
Giving up .Lost great amount of hope in `em self .


You know ,i planned to do ..
Similar things if my world ended .
Things knowing ,i would regret .Similar like i said.

I would most probably do it ,just to get your attention or worse comes to worst ; i gave up on myself .live .
Cause seriously,i would jump off a building just to have known ,you cared.
Knowing hell's waiting ;if my both feet had left the ground.

I still don't believe that god wouldn't forgive you.
For a reason.


(I was stuck thinking for some period of time)


I think my mind ,passed out .
i'm gona stop here .


You would have only puzzled a person;making`em think they were wrong.


Have some dignity
Be thankful.


Never believing my world would end (: (:ever .
`As close as we are to the edge of the highest moutain ,the wind seem to always go against us <3

(:

She smiles (:

Thoughts .

Thousand of `em runs through my mind .Most of the time ,worrying.
Thinking whether ;Getting angry was the right thing ,
swearing was the right thing,
losing control was the right thing .etc.


Its all playing back in my mind like a broken handy camera .
Rethinking every damn thing, back and forth .

Was i hush? Was is it her fault?It didn't matter then..



This was my idea .

Then i realize ,the only accurate way was to ...
let her leave.
And from there ,we'll see ,whether she still cared.Whether her heart longs for me.


Well nothing seems to change .It looked like the only way.

Your ways are still the same.
No effort and expecting the best from me .


This all happened ,uninvitingly .
Started with a not so beautiful day ..

Ended tragically.
And worse there's school tomorrow.



Here's the story ,would you have gotten angry over this ?


Waited from morning till the evening ,over 9 hours.
waiting & waiting .Couldn't even text during school hours cause she said ''i'm in school not suppose to even text ''so she asked me to wait till,she finish school.Whatever happened in class i didn't know.
First thing, the exucuse was damn lame.Considering she would have text .Previously she did as well .First time hearing it .Obviously me?got angry.Recess she didn't even text a single msg.Get ma point ?

there's more.
Then after school she had like interact ,which would start around.1.45 .
And yesh she didn't text .
all she said after school was ''done ttyl'' .Yea awesome,i know.
interact started she text ''interacting tatas''

then she had netball and yesh ..had to wait a lil longer.After she had finished.
i couldn't remember the exact words ,but there was ''tatas'' in it .
Didn't make much difference.Haih so how do u feel now ?
Syoik ?haha yea right.Whatever your feeling now ,doesn't get any better.but worse.

Then she got homee ,we text like a couple of msgs .She bathed .
and then she asked me .
''Can i sleep or do u wana talk''(not the exact words but u get ma point)
Then i blew .

Got furious.
She also said talk when i'm at home.Forgotten to add this.And still asked.
I found the question she asked was rather ; pissing off.

An awesome tragedy later on occured .

My spare phone was down and out as you can see why.My sony is down and out too!
The sony was the screen but this ,was the body .Bare hands.
Anger management issues!maybe ?xD



Moment of silence.

Not easy one bit .

Do you know ,holding on to something that doesn't have a grip anymore isn't easy one bit?All it does is slide right back to the ground.
And me thinking i have the power to do so is preferably stupid to be told.
Do you know how hard it is to get a grip of you ?
How hard it is to hold you tightly .Thinking you won't go anywhere.

Well i used
`think the distant in US.

That ever lasting dream right now seems ,impossible.
Considering, i can't perform magic, cause it seems i'm doing this all on my own.




Somee people may think its time wasting to hold on to that .Believing in something that...

Stupidity .

and some will ask you to face facts .

I'm ignorant to all that ,so what ?
i'm not saying its not frustrating .It friggin is,i'm telling you. And me with the shortest of tempers
will lose it .

Eventually will swear ,get angry.
And then regret every damn bit of what i said .
Challenging i tell you ,guess i gotta sharpen that part of me a lil bit . Possibly changing.





Do you know how much faith you must have?'
Do you know the amount of effort you have to put in?
I can't do this on my own.



Do you know i'm not that strong ?
I guess if you lose faith in yourself ,you've lost faith in US .

At the end of lives ,
we were bad at gambling .

Well at least i think i am,gambling the friendship we had . Don't make me think of it as a regret.


Don't make this a regret ,i beg you.

Limits.

How much can your heart hold
How much can it long for that someone special ?

The thing is ; Our hearts have limits .

Once you've exceeded ,your gambling.
God knows where you would turn to .


`Noone has ever measured ,not even poets,how much the heart can hold.

''Great''

Awesome text msg received,
`Try being that ''what you want'' for a change .

Steering wheel turned and back to the that road again .

The defination of `her

Today Morning wasn't different from any other day.
That laziness in you that don't wana leave the bed .The tired looking eyes .
The sleep that felt like it lasted an hour only .


`Yeah the usual .

Well ,today for all em usj4 students .There was sukan tara or whatever u call it !
So as usual i'll find any damn excuse for me not to go school so that i can head down
to pj ,so oh wells i took the opportunity to do so..

AND don't ask why i go down to pj ,stupidest question yet to ask .

I went Pj early morning because i have no other transportation so i followed mommy.
Study at ma aunty's till ma baby's school finish ,nothing happened much there.
-Cousin fetched me to school .

And soo..
I saw ma baby :Dhappy of course i was .
She's so so soooo fatt .
i mean argghh .That geram feeling will always be there when with her .
That urge !

It started of great ,considering we weren't stable .I mean.. wasn't OURSELVES.
The type people stood and admired .

Shee who nowadays wasn't herself ,was quitee ..herself :D
so obviously ITS GOOD ! DAMN GOOD NIGGA !
oppsss ..

The smiles i consistently got ,the joy that wasn't in her for a very long timeee .
The long conversations ,the lovey dovey . And your smell :D
ETC. Enough dah ,now be thankful i told u .



But of course ,the time limit was there .
We had around 2 hours ?mm well ,Satisfaction achieved .
I'm happy (:

Well for her ,mm ?
One thing that didin't change was the texting

Still the plain old dull texting .But i accomplished two smileys?well at least it's a lil different.

I had i hopes..
Thinking that i changed it, but failed .It's okays i guess .


`Heads up and still trying .


`She's still missing ;
Boyfriend's worrying .
Thinking other wise .



Thank you .take care's.